Updated: Dec 19, 2020
Until today, I enjoyed the comfort of the structure of 5-7-5 lines with a total of 17 syllables. But I'm learning that 5-7-5 and 17 syllables are not requirements. These Western rules can sometimes make a "haiku" sound forced. Too many articles, too many adjectives or verbs and a haiku can sound artificial in its construction.
I'm learning daily what to shed in order to move closer to a haiku's ineffable quality. There's even challenges to write a haiku with no verbs.
That moment of surprise.
As my husband says that Zen sensibility.
So here's my attempt at showing some of what I've learned with a haiku I wrote weeks ago:
New moon's pitch black night
Pine tree branches sweep gently
Evergreen in dark
New moon's melody
Sweeps through pine tree needles
And, yes, this is just a revision. You might not find it to be an improvement. I have a great deal to learn about haiku. So please share your suggestions. I felt mentioning the black night and darkness was redundant. Human brains have an astounding ability to compensate and experience a heightening of other senses. In this case, I wanted to emphasize that in darkness my hearing becomes more alert. And I just enjoy the sound of a pine tree in wind.